- Was your non-JW parent ever a JW? ....... No, My Mother became a JW in the 1950's before I was born . My Father was following a Military career ,20 yrs in the Marine Corps .
* Who was responsible for your religious upbringing? The JW or the non-JW? ....... My Mother the JW
* Did they argue about it?.......Yes , my Father forbid her from going d2d on base because he did not want to be embarassed in front of his men . He would bash the JW's all the time calling them 'bible thumpers and men who speak with forked tongue ".
* Were you forced to go? Yes , even though my Father disliked the JW's he felt religion was womens work and that children must obey the parent . It was also believed at that time children were seen not heard ,in other words we did not get a say .
* Did the non-JW parent have any real say in how the family celebrated holidays? ........ I remember them arguing about having a Christmas tree ,he wanted one and she didn't . She finally said if he wanted one he had to do all the work ....we never had one so I guess he did not want it badly enough . He did persuade her to buy us a gift at Xmas ,but it was never wrapped and the house was not decorated . We always had a family dinner on holidays . Birthdays we got to chose what we wanted for supper and dessert .No wrapped presents ,no candles on cake and no singing Happy Bday . One time when I was 5 I begged my Dad at the supper table to let me go trick or treating for Halloween . He forced my Mom to allow me . She said she would not take me ,but relented to allow my older brothers to go with me . When she took me in the bathroom to dress me up ,she slapped me across the face and told me to NEVER go against her again when it came to holidays ....they were detestable to Jehovah and we should never do them .
* Over all what impact did this split household have on your childhood and even later in life? ........ I was taught to never trust my Father because he was not a JW . I was taught not to confide in him or my Grandparents . I worried constantly from early childhood about him dieing in the big A . I felt abnormal from other children very anxious, and afraid most of my life . I was told at a very young age that the Military would turn on religion and that one day my Dad may even try to kill my Mom or put her in jail for her beliefs ,and that us kids would be taken away so we would have to be faithful to Jehovah on our own .......Yeah this does a major trip on a young childs mind and mental ,emotional development . I grew up feeling very alone and knowing I could never depend or trust in anyone but myself ....this has always stuck with me to this day . Which has not been all bad ,but it would have been nice to learn or feel loved and secure with in my own family .
* What would you want therapists to know about your situation?......... I would want a therapist to understand how much my childhood molded my emotional ,mental patterns . How separate and different ,alienated from others this caused me to feel . Children should be encouraged to voice their inner thoughts and feel free to express themselves instead of swallowing all that pain and hurt .
* Any other thoughts?...... I wonder how many others growing up this way felt torn in two trying to please a JW parent and a non JW parent ?